To lose the weight or to be comfortably chubby, that is the question

Every other day my boyfriend goes to work out before he heads to work,

In turn that makes me think that maybe I should get into shape, after all, I gained 30 pounds after we started dating because I was content in the relationship. You know how it goes, when you're dating you try your best to make that miserable ex see what he missed out on after that nasty breakup, you avoid the chocolate, the sweet sweet calling of the cake and you try to maintain that goal weight to look desirable in a slim dress or a bikini. THEN you find the man that makes everything sparkle and you settle in to this comfortable no-judgement life, and the pounds start adding up like you couldn't believe, and the worst part, you don't even notice it until its to late.

First your pants (the ones that make your but look perfect) start getting a little snug, you blame it on period bloating, or the dang dryer, that thing is always making your clothes smaller...right?

but then everything seems to fit a little less than it used to and you have to come to terms with the fact that you're gaining weight.

Before the boyfriend and all the weight gain, I was 129 pounds, and content for a 5'1" girl with a larger butt and breasts the size of watermelons. I now weigh 165, and the motivation to work out is very low. I'm a smoker, I like to drink and party, but it just adds on to the weight. Don't get me wrong what 21 year old doesnt like to go out and party the night away with more alcohol that any sane person would ingest having the older adults at the bar cringe, knowing whats going to happen to you in the morning with the ever so clear,"been there done that" expression painted on their face.

but I am slightly off topic now

 I've always had a fear of being a fat girl. To an extent I blame the media for the fear of getting fat, with all the beautiful starlets I looked up to as a kid being ridiculed and hazed for their weight, and the fact that I have never been very comfortable in my own skin to start off with. And I am trying to figure out how to get back to the skinny happy person I was before, and no I am not saying skinny=happiness, I am saying that is the way I am comfortable with myself.

My room mate holly, she is all for the green smoothie diet. but honestly, I can only drink so many smoothies before I want to stick myself in the blender.And who wants to stick to a diet that wont be fulfilling in the long run. Detoxing only works so much before you feel like you're going to lose your intestines, AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON GARCINIA CAMBOGIA, my boyfriend and I did an experiment with the pill alone, dropped it in water and let it dissolve, then placed meat with a little fat on it into the water and let it sit overnight, it was all goo by morning and the water was nearly gone but the goo-meat was not bloated like it took in a lot of water, it was freaky.
The whole "pick a diet and stick with it" thing just doesn't cut it for me, I love bread, I love pizza and things covered in cheese, I love deep fried almost anything. Just as much as the next person, but I also have this struggle to be healthy. I could go back to cutting out a latte a day and turn back to 6 cups of tea a day a mixture of oolong, earl grey, and gunpowder green, making the perfect blend of delicious weight loss.
Or I could keep sitting here blogging to you guys about how I'm going to lose weight, while staring longingly across the room at a bag of cool ranch Doritos,
well, heres to wishful thinking, I'll let you know if I start a weight loss journey.